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Submitted on
June 16
Submitted with Writer


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"The brief relationships I had, once people realized
there was no sex, they lost interest fast."

Mark from Asexuals Project

I have a sexuality

Asexuality is a sexual orientation where a person does not experience sexual attraction. The purpose of this journal though is a little broader than asexuality and, as the title has clued you in, is noting that many of us have our own sexuality; don't assign someone else yours.

In January, I posted Asexuality: I am louder than who I say I am, a journal to raise awareness to issues surrounding knowledge and confusion related to asexuality. I brought up asexual stigma, what asexuality is defined as and that misconceptions and not caring to know of a sexual orientation is in and of itself, damaging. The comments reflected their support of awareness and showed a healthy, strong, resilient crowd of asexuals and allies on deviantART.

I myself am an asexual aromantic. This means I am not interested in having sex— with anyone— and am not seeking a relationship beyond being friends with others.

Asexuality by XxAnimeWolfxX

Asexuality series 1 by Midnyte-Grimm

Don't assign me yours

Recently I was asked this question by DramaticPerson.

Do you think asexuals are having a tough time being accepted in society today?

I had this to say.

Yes, but only on a person-to-person basis or conversation; what judgement we do face in society, while milder than other groups, has often been associated with several stereotypes such as the man who can't get laid, the guy who is a loner, the girl who is sexually uptight or repressed from some emotional damage or the woman who is waiting for the right guy to come along.

I think society as a whole accepts that there are people out there who identify as asexual and I believe that most people honestly don't judge us or the idea that we exist, but when we materialize in front of them, all of their knowledge they may have had of asexuality tends to scatter and they want to know WHY we aren't interested in sexual relationships. The problem with this is twofold:

  • Like being gay (for sake of analogy), asexuality isn't a choice, and there isn't an identifiable cause as to why we are asexual.
  • People want to know WHY we are and WHEN we knew because they want to find a reason to explain it.

But If it was a choice and there was a reason, then all asexuals should be considered celibate. It's almost like my epilepsy in that there is no cause, it's just a part of me, I didn't choose to have seizures, but I do. If there was a cause for my seizures, then it could be treated. Too often people confuse the idea that people can have positive or neutral human characteristics (asexuality, synesthesia) just as naturally as people have negative aspects to themselves (epilepsy, ASD). People look in the wrong places or with the wrong method when they search for the reason why people are who they are. If you were a psychologist and were with a patient who experienced a substantial amount of trauma and abuse, you would not look at his/her DNA sequence for their history to help them overcome their fear of trusting people. If people were interested in truly finding out why they would take an informative, professional, and scientific approach instead of encroaching on someone's personal life.

You have yours too

Don't look for a label that fits you to settle into. Because it's not about the labels of sexuality. It's about you. I was looking for a label for me for the longest time and even when I found out about the term 'asexuality' and it clicked it took me a while to become comfortable with the idea that I was calling myself that and gradually I did, but looking back, I had had a hard time identifying who I was (I was having a bit of an identity crisis at the time) because I wasn't trying to identify myself to me, but to others.

You have a sexuality: don't let anyone assign you theirs.

Resources and Further Reading

:icondapride: :iconclub-of-aces: :iconlgbt-on-da: :iconasexualheart: :iconburdenedhearts:

Asexual Visibility and Education Network
Asexuals Project
Asexuality: The 'X' In A Sexual World
swankivy (asexual activist)
(A)Sexual Documentary

With thanks to all of my watchers (again) for the support
and a special thank you to mormonbookworm who helped me realize
what I wanted to say this time around.

Add a Comment:
100Cat Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014
All my life, I've been asexual/aromantic, but I didn't know the word for it. When I found out what it was, I was so happy because I could tell people what I was in two words. Of course, they didn't know what it meant XD but I hate it when someone says "she'll grow out of it" or "you're just hiding it". So untrue!
BlackIceNordic8 Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for putting this out here. I am ( as far as I have figured out) an asexual. It makes me happy when someone actually researches about aces and doesn't just follow the ideas of "oh you are too young" or " you just haven't met the right person". I know how I identify and I feel no need to prove it to an insolent, mortal stranger who will soon be forgotten. And to all of those who are questioning or afraid to tell others: God still created and loves you. 

Best wishes,
Nichrysalis Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: Best of luck. I'm glad you liked the article.
XxAnimeWolfxX Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I hope a lot of people are seeing this, it's so informative on the subject! Hopefully this can answer most of the questions they always seem to have about us.
mormonbookworm Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
First off, I want to apologize for not comment on this earlier. I read it the day you put it up on dA, but that was via my phone, and I can't for the life of me type on that thing.
Second, I am so honored to have been able to help you! I was just advising you with what I have figured out works for me, I didn't realize that it would help you so much!
This is a wonderful insight into an aspect of life that I know nothing about. I have grown up shown and exposed to some things, and heavily sheltered to others. As an adult, I'm an constantly questioning others. Not about how or why they define themselves, but what it means to them, and how I can find out more about that facet of themselves. (After all, I don't want to hurt people, and it helps to understand things .)
"Too often people confuse the idea that people can have positive or neutral human characteristics ... just as naturally as people have negative aspects to themselves". It's not often I come across something that speaks to me the way this sentence does.
To be honest, I keep putting off formally comment on this because I feel like I need to say something profound and worth remembering-but nothing's coming. 
Nichrysalis Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: I'm glad that line spoke to you, when I originally wrote the comment I worked on hard on expressing that concept. :happycry: And yes, your guidance helped quite a lot. :tighthug:
mormonbookworm Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Nichrysalis Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
mormonbookworm Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Electricfox5 Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014
My wife is asexual (and epileptic too) and I am rather the opposite, it can be hard work for both sides, but she is more than worth it. I love her and she loves me, and that's all there is to it.
Add a Comment: