literature

Titles Don't Belong in the First Line

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Nichrysalis's avatar
By
Published:
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Literature Text

Titles don’t belong in the first line,
teacher says,

and poetry is not made of end rhymes.
The ventilated fluorescence and I
flicker at the incongruence
and I want to tell her
sometimes east is left

on the map
if you hold it right.
Comments67
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james72487's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

For vision I gave you 5 stars because of the imagery used to illustrate your point. You had a magnificent analogy, as well as a clearly defined point.

I scored you 5 stars in originality because of the defiance taken against the standards. Writing something encouraging the breaking of rules for the sake of originality must be considered original, especially when the rules are broken to do so.

Impact also scored five stars because the powerful conclusion. It was like getting hit by a bus full of kids fresh from a tour of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. Excellent work. Also, ouch.

However, I found your technique lacking; you broke quite a few rules writing this, which by industry standards earns a frowny-face sticker. With awkward punctuation, omitting quotations, and putting your title in the first line, your technique was definitely lacking.

Overall, I'd have to score this work 4.5 meatball subs, because f*** the scoring system. this is some good sh** right here.