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There is a 'd' in the first syllable
of what I call my parent's father:

grand-father, grand-dad, grand-pa.

That letter is never pronounced
by myself with both syllables intact
It simply becomes 'gran' to me:

gran-father, gran-dad, gran-pa.

And when my Granpa Bob says,
"Nic, you are my oldest grandson—
oldest grandchild at that—
and you are at an age where
you can still apply your skills
and do something with yourself.
I can't, I'm a fifty-something-year-old man;
a father of three children
and a grandfather to six.
I cannot go out and start,
but you have that opportunity
and I can't watch you
throw your life away."

He has identified some potential
in me that I haven't detected,
and that may be why I have
never taken him seriously.

But he pronounces the 'd'
when he is talking about me
while I mumble, "I know Granpa."

I don't pronounce the 'd,'
and perhaps it is a matter
of when I will be granted
the use of that letter,
in all its grandness.
Written 11/04/2012

Part of the Bitlets project.

About this Bitlet

Not much to say about this one, though there is a lot to say, I just can't put the the words into text and have them still contain meaning. So, this is just grandfather-grandson talks. I just notice the details and write about them later. Though there was guitar playing involved. I do WANT feedback on this piece though. I am writing a similar poem and I could definitely use feedback from this to put towards the other poem.

Browse Bitlets

Bitlets are about quantity, not quality. Free-write at least one a day about what is on your mind, going on around you, or the state of your life. Ignore the urge to edit; it's not about being profound on purpose, it's about stumbling on it by accident.

Bitlets 43 © 2012 Nic Swaner
If you wanted to be picky about the poem, and not the content as a whole, I would start by just omitting the children from ' a father of three children' It is also slightly confusing when he asks you 'to throw your life' away, as it is unknown from what. Nonetheless, the use of 'd' is a very unique concept, a sign of respect and coming to age, and avoiding the grand at the end (also false syllable of granted) is well done. I think it might be risky, but explain why he omits the 'd' . Again, I'm being incredibly picky, and I'm here only as a suggestion. I'm not sure whether this is the feedback you are looking for, but it is a good concept.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

I understand your intentions behind the bitlets project, but I think this piece could draw some serious benefit from some editing. The scope of the piece is excellent. It draws a simple instance of diction and makes it a metaphor for respect, wisdom, and intelligence. It has a lingering quality because it is so relatable. It's the sort of piece that when speaking to our "granparents" readers are likely to remember. The phrasing has good meter and is easily read with effective intonation. I think this piece would lend well to being read aloud. Excellent work on this piece, Nic.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

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SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I like this one a lot. Maybe because I do the same thing - I rarely pronounce the "d" sound when referring to my grandparents.
Nichrysalis Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's a very small but significant difference in my eyes. Especially when my grandparents do pronounce it.
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Submitted on
November 4, 2012
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