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Formerly NicSwaner
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About Literature / Hobbyist Senior Member Nic SwanerMale/United States Groups :iconcrliterature: CRLiterature
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Deviant for 7 Years
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These are fine examples of what literature is crafted to be. Take heed and take notice of their nuances and anatomy, for they are thunderbolts among this word-drenched thunderstorm.

Have you ever found something you'd written when you first started writing? Would you rather destroy it or keep it? 

22 deviants said Cherish and keep your writing.
7 deviants said Destroy the evidence.


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Nic Swaner
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Artist's Statement 10/25/2011

Nic Swaner is a studying graphic designer, and a budding young writer whose concepts and syntax require a rush of blood and breath to the lungs. For inspiration he need not look far from the cyclopean sun, feel the displacement before the epilepsy, synthesize some synesthesia, or recall the origami folds his hands have memorized throughout the years.

Nic is almost entirely self-taught in the ways of writing and in doing so has created a style all his own. His medium is mainly through poetry, short stories and articles for websites; he excels in portraying his thoughts and ideas in a world of complex and harmonious verbiage. He is always whittling away at several works of writing that will be submitted to free publishers or magazines. Nic will always be happy to edit and critique your writing, whether it's poetry or prose. Contact him at

Nic is currently studying graphic design and the fundamentals of art. He has always emphasized the power of concept over complexity, and have maximized color and composition to their utmost potential. He prefers to work with photomanipulations and typography to portray his concepts. He is always open to critique from his peers. Other artistic endeavors from Nic include folding origami, film photography, darkroom artwork such as photograms, and music production.


Nic lives in Chicago, Illinois, but his hometown is Robinson, Illinois. He likes Progressive Rock and Underground Rap music. Marcus J. Ranum is his most adored photographer. Samurai Jack is his favorite cartoon character along with Ed, Edd, and Eddy. His favorite ice cream flavor is French Vanilla. He has a mild form of sound to color synesthesia for melodies and believes the song Echoes by Pink Floyd is green.

"The world is only as old as the person to whom you speak." - Nic Swaner

Nope, I didn't forget about this, I'm going to keep doing these! I will start including 'themed' articles with funny quotes that relate to the topic and possibly expanding where I get my quotes. So what better way to introduce this new way of doing things than having the first theme be ALCOHOL. All of the quotes below relate to misadventures with booze. Topic suggestions (and personal anecdotes) are entirely welcome, but keep them broad. If you all enjoy this sense of humor, I'll keep sharing.
<+TheUltra4sshole> I mean, we started 2 nights before, recruiting strippers to show up
<+TheUltra4sshole> things got out of hand, and we end up with 10 kegs, and who knows how many imported sluts
<+TheUltra4sshole> I'm not talking tundra wookies
<+TheUltra4sshole> I mean, decent-looking chicks
<+TheUltra4sshole> they'd ranks a 6 or 7 here, but are fucking TEN in alaska
<+TheUltra4sshole> party goes awesome
<+TheUltra4sshole> don't catch any of the game
<+TheUltra4sshole> we all pass out by about 3 am
<+TheUltra4sshole> first call is at 6 am
<+TheUltra4sshole> and being professional alcoholics, we rigged the central firealarm to go off 10 minutes before first call
<+TheUltra4sshole> well, we all wake up to the fire alarm, clean the shithole up, then go down to PT formation
<+TheUltra4sshole> just expecting a 10-mile detox run or something gay like that
<+TheUltra4sshole> 1SG says we're having a health and welfare inspection
<+TheUltra4sshole> where he goes through everbody's room and fucks you up for anything that's out of place
<+TheUltra4sshole> well... we had 10 empty kegs and a buncha passed out whores in our building...
<+TheUltra4sshole> not to mention the little shit like bottle caps and whatnot
<+TheUltra4sshole> thank GOD he went to consolidated barracks first, so we had about an hour to get everything cleaned up
<+TheUltra4sshole> you wanna talk about a buncha men working as a team...
<+TheUltra4sshole> we had the buffer going, you heard nothing but vacuums, sweeping, mopping, and calls for the medic to get a hooker with an IV
<+TheUltra4sshole> pure mayhem
<+TheUltra4sshole> we get all the sluts out of our own rooms, and since the dayroom only had a little bit of furniture and we can work on it together, we all hit it at once
<+TheUltra4sshole> well...there was one chick left over
<+TheUltra4sshole> still passed out, topless in a leather skirt
<+TheUltra4sshole> when we heard CQ on the first floor call "AT EASE!"
<+TheUltra4sshole> fucking panic
<+TheUltra4sshole> Aubaugh, being the smart crazy jew he was, stole a buncha rappelling gear from mountaineering
<+TheUltra4sshole> tied her passed-out ass up in a swiss-seat
<+TheUltra4sshole> (mind you, she was wearing JUST a skirt, and a swiss seat goes between the legs)
<+TheUltra4sshole> tie the 120 to the center pillar, tied her figure 8 off in a bowline, and pushed her out the window
<+TheUltra4sshole> she hung there for FORTY FIVE FUCKING MINUTES
<+TheUltra4sshole> We pass the inspection
<+TheUltra4sshole> BUT
<+TheUltra4sshole> as 1SG was walking out of the barracks, he walked around the outside looking for cigarette butts and caught us hauling her naked ass back in the window...
<+TheUltra4sshole> Fail
<+TheUltra4sshole> we had such a good chance to get away with it...
<+TheUltra4sshole> man was that a long week for charlie company, 2-1 infantry
<Erdage> WTF dude help me, i have lost my dick!!!
<DakuTenshi> What are you talking about?
<Erdage> help me daku, it's missing!
<DakuTenshi> Erdage... you are drunk right?
<Erdage> Err.. no...
<DakuTenshi> Yes you are
<Erdage> WTF??? How do you know?
<DakuTenshi> Erdage, you are a girl...
<Anonymous> Last night, Helen and I were sitting in the living room, and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my beer.
<Anonymous> She's such a bitch.
<shwatta> never drinking again
<shwatta> went out yesterday for a few lunch time beers in the city right
<shwatta> those 'few' turned into lots
<shwatta> woke up at 9am the next day in a park down by the beach which is 30 kilometres away from the city... no phone, no wallet, no memory, blood all over myself with no obvious wounds
<shwatta> the weirdest thing was that in my hands there was this little statue of a hindu god with a massive grin on its face
<deltabravo> ughh, this beer is terrible.
<deltabravo> it's a bad sign when the beer company isn't running any sweepstakes, yet all the lids
             say 'SORRY' underneath them :<
<devils_trombone> Hey wana hear a funny story?
<frogslegs> yep
<Crazed_Cousin_Dougal> does it involve clowns and ninjas?
<devils_trombone> no.
<devils_trombone> Last wknd, me and sum mates were down at the pub, and we see this guy looking pretty pissed.
<devils_trombone> Anyway, we hadn't drunk much, so we decided to be good people and drive this guy home.
<Crazed_Cousin_Dougal> was he a clown/ninja?
<devils_trombone> So we helped him up, and he fell over. Then we tried dragging him out and he kept falling over.
<devils_trombone> So we drove him back to his place, and knocked on the door, and this woman answers (presumably his wife) and is all like: "Thanks boys, but where's his wheelchair?"
< Wombles> i rang up a taxi friday... drunk.. and in in a pirate accent.. i said "Yarr ahoy me maitie! i need me a row boat to take me back to me ship which is docked at <insert address>"
< Wombles> i can't believe one came.
<kafiend> with beer comes great irresponsibility
<WrkEagle> Phalynx: Ah, but can you conjugate "Vodka?"
<Phalynx> WrkEagle: Sure, the past tense is "money", and the future tense is "drunk"
<Gig> Bah, drunk students setting off the firealarm to the building, silent one too, so direct to the fire station. So we had some fireman knocking on our door trying to get us out
<Gig> and my flatmate who answered the door shouted out "Hey lads! look the stripper's here!"
<Gig> you would be surprised how fast people got out of their rooms

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